Dear Universe

Okay Universe… you’re being real cute right now and I don’t appreciate it. I also feel like we’ve had this conversation before. It’s not cute.

Let’s talk about money. It’s been a relatively simple ask: let me have some money. I’m willing to work for it, but it would be more fun to have it fall into my lap. Either way, I want money. Cash. Windfall. Long lost relative who leaves me something in their will. A REAL prince via email.


You send me exes. You sent me the ex from TEN years ago to creep my profile on LinkedIn (why?). You sent my ex from nearly two years ago to work down the street from where I live and work…right smack in the middle of my dog’s favourite walking route.



Not cute.

One of my friends suggests that the universe is TRYING to tell me to recognize the signs and acknowledge that it’s trying to send me a man…

Okay. Let’s roll with this. It wasn’t what I was asking for – because I don’t think I’m ready – but sure. Why the hell not?

So. Universe? I’m guessing I have to be specific. Because if you’re going to send me a man so attractive that I momentarily forget how to use words, CAN YOU MAKE SURE HE’S 100% SINGLE?!


This guy. Well. This guy seems sweet and funny, and smart, and OH HE COOKS… but is “sorta” seeing someone.


Is this the kind of “sorta” where he means that he’s just started to date someone and things are great, but like any great romantic comedy moment, our meet cute causes him to rethink that relationship with the harridan* of a girlfriend, and pursue me…or is he a typical Toronto dude, in which case “sorta” actually means that he’s been with the same chick for over a year, they live together, and just got a dog…but y’know, he’s not looking to “define what they are.


*(Yes. She’s probably a wonderful woman…but for my fantasy, she’s a harridan and an obstacle to overcome, okay? In my head, she is a MINOR TECHNICALITY.) 

Please dear Universe: send me the dude who is tatted, bald, with strong features, nice eyes, nice smile, wonderful voice, professional, close to my age, with a sense of purpose and a sense of style. Make him easy to talk to, a little bit flirty, loves to cook, and make him 100% AVAILABLE.

If that’s too much to ask, I’m willing to settle for cash.





FACT: I LOVE love.

Your reaction as you read this:


I DO! 

I just don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day though. I’m not one for sentimental displays of affection. I joke that boyfriends have always gotten off easy, because I refuse the acknowledge the day.

Which leads people to believe that I hate romance, or love. That I reject the idea of it.

Nope. Not true at all.

It’s lovely. Besides, to know me is to know I LOVE candy. How can a person who loves candy as much as I do even possibly dislike the second most candy-oriented holiday of the year?*

Kids. Love is this awesome and amazing thing, and it does more than release endorphins. It motivates. It inspires. It creates.

Well… I think it should.

Too often, #LOVE is often relegated to this one day.

A shit ton of importance is placed on this day.

A day for a grand and wonderful expression of love.

Me, when people start talking about #VALENTINESDAY

That? That’s boring. I HATE that. That I hate. Ick. It’s so…


That kind of love, that same old, same old love is what I raise an eyebrow to and kiss my teeth at. I have higher standards for love. I don’t want the same old. I don’t want sentimental teddy bears or milk chocolate hearts. I don’t’ want lukewarm bubbly, or a dinner out.

Been there. Done that.

Do better. Expect better.

My standards for #LOVE is means that I’m ACTUALLY a romantic.

(Waits for y’all to stop laughing)

(Waiting. Waiting…) 


Love should be an everyday expression, and not one that you wait to toss into a card. You have 365 opportunities to show love, so why try to cram it all into one day? By cramming it into this ONE day, most people end up getting half assed attempt at a grand gesture, and THAT is something I hate. Half-assery. Y’know what I hate even more? People giving credit to half-assery. Thinking that this ONE day is the one day to know and experience love.


Are you serious?

You got a card today. A dinner even. But tomorrow? Do you just go back to the same old tomorrow? WHYYYYYY? By placing importance and value on that ONE day, you miss out on the other days. You inadvertently tell the people in your life that they don’t have to make any effort the other 364 days because as long as they show they #LOVE you today, it’ll make up the difference.

I know…other holidays are relegated to one day. We don’t celebrate Christmas 365 days of the year, so why this one. Really? Look at this way: a faithful Christian** gives thanks for the life of Jesus every day, so why can’t we acknowledge and give thanks for love every day?

I’ll be honest: part of me just wants cinnamon hearts to be available year-round, but also, I want…seek out…and cultivate love every day.

It’s more effort. But it’s worth it. You’re worth it and you know for DAMN sure I think I’m worth it.


* – candy usually goes on sale at 6 pm…y’all have no idea how excited I am


** – faithful Christians, feel free to correct me on the frequency thing. I got kicked out of Sunday school when I was 8 AND I’m an atheist, so I’m basing my assumption on how my friends and family act.