Worst. Date. Ever. (2 of 5-ish)

I wrote about one bad date and it triggered memories of the other ones…I even said that it was only five, but then I realized it’s actually been six.

Again. Contemplating my life choices here.

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Let’s go back to a time where I was freshly out of a relationship. How fresh? We had the closure conversation…I left his house…and met up with my date.

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My dear friend Johnny knew I was in the middle of a breakup situation and suggested a night out. Johnny had a friend named Mike. Johnny was convinced Mike and I would get along. Johnny suggested a double date with his new ladylove, and hopefully Mike would make me forget my brand new ex…

We were going to go to the movies. We were going to see The Frighteners. Do you know this movie? Ebert gave it 1 out of 4 stars. It was directed by Peter Jackson (??!!??) It’s a bad movie, but relevant to this plot. I’ll continue…

Because I was breaking up with someone, the closure conversation took a bit longer than expected, and I was the last to arrive at the theatre. I was cutting it so close that the previews had already begun, but Johnny and Mike were waiting for me at the gate.

“Johnny where’s your date?”

“She couldn’t make it…but we have seats.”

Because the movie was just about to begin, Mike and I didn’t have time for chit chat. I sized him up as we walked into the theatre. He was cute, definitely my type, gentlemanly – he offered me the aisle seat. I declined and sat one seat in.

The lights went all the way out and so did Mike.

The reason this movie is important to the plot is because it’s a comedy about ghosts. It was a loud movie with lots of screaming, because ghosts. Y’know what was louder?

Mike’s snoring.

Mike had fallen asleep.

This wasn’t just dozing off. Mike was gone. REM. Full sleep. Dreaming of better days and better dates. Mike’s snoring sounded like this:

Granted, it was a bad movie. But when someone is screaming or shouting EVERY FIVE MINUTES…how can you sleep through it? The guy behind me started to get annoyed. So I tapped Mike to wake him up. Nope. I shook him a little. Nope. Elbowed him in the ribs. That woke him.

“Sorry. Sorry. Long day…”

Cut to twenty minutes later…

Mike was drooling with his head hanging out in the aisle. Snoring like he was a plane in the fucking air show.

Do you know what it does to your self-esteem when your date FALLS ASLEEP ON THE DATE? Do you know what it does to your self esteem when you have just left breaking up with the guy you thought was Mr. Perfect and the guy who is supposed to make you forget about him falls asleep? TWICE?

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The movie (FINALLY) ends and Mike wakes up. As we stand to let the other people in the row past us, I realize none of them are moving. Just past Johnny are ten other guys, and these guys all look like they fell out of an Abercrombie catalogue.

 

Johnny then gestures to the row of catalogue guys and makes a sweeping introduction. Turns out, all these guys are Johnny’s rugby pals!

“Hi!”

“Hey”

“Hello”

“Hey! You made it!”

“Hiya”

“Hi”

“Hi”

“Hi”

“What’s up?”

“Nice to meet you”

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This was a group hang. With what was supposed to be a double date slipped in…to relieve the pressure…but remember, Johnny’s date couldn’t make it. So I was the only girl.

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I went out on a date with 12 guys and got stuck with the one who fell asleep.

TWICE.

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