The One That Got Away (?)

While complaining about my whack-a-mole exes…I was asked, “do you think there’s one that got away?”

My response for the past few days:


One. That. Got. Away.


What are the odds you can date for 25 years and not have met the one? Is it possible?

I’m trying to figure it out.

Erm. Wait. The first 10 years of that, I was a serial monogamist; so that can’t really count. Let’s narrow it down to 15 years. In 15 years, is it possible that I have met “THE ONE?” Have I met that one person? The soulmate? The person who completes me?

I typed all that and immediately had a giggle fit. Also, typing THE ONE made me think of The Matrix. Lemme try this again…

Have I met that perfect someone who hits all the checkmarks on my list? MORE IMPORTANTLY, did this guy meet me, and think I checked everything off on HIS list? Only to have us break up because I treat commitment the way most people treat a swarm of locusts?

My response to myself:


I’m leaning towards no. Here’s why…

Sidebar: I’m only counting the guys I have dated in some way or (heh) another. Guys I’ve been friends with or are friends with now are friends… I don’t believe in that friendzone bullshit. I believe in aliens, the freemasons, and that my dog understands everything I’m saying…but I don’t believe in the friendzone.

In a past post, I said that there is one ex that I miss(ed), but I don’t even think that he’s the one who got away, and this is why…

Because if they were great and/or perfect…we’d still be together, non?

Now…let’s factor in what I call “missed opportunities”? Do missed opportunities count? Meaning, you met someone great but they were with someone…or you were with someone and now that you’re not with someone…blah blah blah? That’s what I call a missed opportunity. Because if you’re soul mates, if you’re fated to be…then a little technicality like “married to someone else” wouldn’t matter right?

(so says all the people rationalizing why they’re sliding into someone’s DMs right now…)

So, I sat wondering. Did I miss out on HIM?

Still thinking no.

One getting away also implies regret. I don’t regret my exes. Nope. Not even the abusive one…the passive aggressive asshole…or the stalker

(those are three separate dudes by the way…)

…because they all taught me something. All the lessons learned from my exes have prepared me for whatever comes next. If what’s next means that he’s perfect(ish), then I won’t let him get away. If I won’t let a perfect pair of shoes get away…then I definitely wouldn’t let a perfect man get away. Trust.

For shits and giggles, let’s factor in the shots I didn’t take. You miss 100% of the shots you didn’t take, yes? I don’t take a lot of shots, because I’m shy (SHUT UP. I AM)…so, would the one that got away be one that I never cast a line for?

Great. Lemme go think some more.

What do you say?


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