Ain’t It Funny

I’ve been thinking about my exes lately…

Not because I want to.

Like a cold sore on my social life and emotional balance, they pop up…to say hi…to add me as a friend on FB…follow me on Instagram…to join their LinkedIn network…

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Yes, really. LinkedIn…what kind of recommendation am I gonna give you motherfucker?

Now here’s the plot twist: the exes that are coming around saying hello from the other side are not the guys I would expect to come come around.

You may think that my acid tongue has left a trail of broken hearts, but no. Every guy who has come looking for me in the last 12 months…has been someone who dumped me.

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I KNOW, right?

So now we’re exes, yes?

As in X = unknown.

My taste in men are diverse…so I have exes in different area codes, social groups, interest groups, tax brackets… I don’t really have a type. When things end, I’m fortunate (??) enough to not have to worry about “bumping” into them at “our spot” or anything weird. With a couple, we share the same social circles, but those interactions are generally harmless. I rarely add guys I’m dating to my social media channels, so when they come looking, they have sought me out…

I’m confused by this.

Part of my confusion is that I’m not really sentimental and I like clean breaks from things.

I don’t generally cry over breakups – I usually get angry/annoyed. In the past 10 years, I think I’ve cried over one break up. I don’t keep mementoes – I have given back presents! I may delete your number. Usually my reaction to a break up is this…

 

…and my reaction to my exes popping up like whack a moles who have lost their way and are asking me to be online friends is kinda like this:

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Someone suggested that they’re checking in to see who “won the breakup”. Who’s moved on. Who upgraded. Which one is sitting at home posting pictures on their Instagram using the lyrics to All By Myself as captions.

YOU dumped me. Doesn’t that make YOU the loser?

Heh.

But seriously. I can’t compete with them in the breakup games because I forgot to enter the competition. Have I googled an ex to see what they’re up to? Yes. Have I creeped on an ex’s social media feed? Uhm…yes. Right after I accept their request. Do I miss any of them?

(One. But I wouldn’t tell him…#pride)

But I don’t go looking for them. When they come looking for me, I wonder what they’re expecting to find?

As I delete FB friend requests from the scary exes (think “restraining order”) and ignore the LinkedIn requests from the benign ones (again WHAT kind of recommendation are you looking for), I guess I’ll chalk it up to the random that is my life.

Love is crazy, I’m glad I can smile and say

Ain’t that funny

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