I was recently reminded of an ex of mine from a few years back, and of a time when I, lover of words… could have been a little more explicit.
So this ex, a lover of porn and all the intricate storylines it has to offer (/sarcasm), would occasionally joke about anal.
That ended that convo…that time. But as we progressed…he would reference it. Try to gauge my reaction. Which was always some variation of:
One day I just blurted out, “okay…but under ONE MAJOR CONDITION”
He of course got all Frasier Crane on me…
So I told him the condition.
Y’see folks, that would be my ultimate out. Because I don’t ever want to get married. I’ve made this very clear to family, friends, and most importantly…to every man I’ve been involved with.
I had run out of ways to say “it will be a cold day in hell motherfucker…”, and he himself was very resistant to the idea of marriage. I sat back, smothered in smugness, knowing that bringing up the dreaded M word would mute all future anal talk.
So I said, “put a ring on it.”
“If you want it, put a ring on it…”
A few days later, I got a text. It was a link and text that said, “which ring would you like?”
Oh dear gawd.
With trembling hands. I clicked the link. Was this man actually gonna call my bluff??
I was a Google image result for “cock rings”.
Next time. I’ll be more explicit.
(NO. He still didn’t get any backdoor action)