Lesson Learned: Use Your Words Carefully

I was recently reminded of an ex of mine from a few years back, and of a time when I, lover of words… could have been a little more explicit.

Heh. Explicit.

So this ex, a lover of porn and all the intricate storylines it has to offer (/sarcasm), would occasionally joke about anal.



That ended that convo…that time. But as we progressed…he would reference it. Try to gauge my reaction. Which was always some variation of:


One day I just blurted out, “okay…but under ONE MAJOR CONDITION

He of course got all Frasier Crane on me…


So I told him the condition.



Y’see folks, that would be my ultimate out. Because I don’t ever want to get married. I’ve made this very clear to family, friends, and most importantly…to every man I’ve been involved with.

I had run out of ways to say “it will be a cold day in hell motherfucker…”, and he himself was very resistant to the idea of marriage. I sat back, smothered in smugness, knowing that bringing up the dreaded M word would mute all future anal talk.


So I said, “put a ring on it.”


“If you want it, put a ring on it…”


A few days later, I got a text. It was a link and text that said, “which ring would you like?”

Oh dear gawd.

With trembling hands. I clicked the link. Was this man actually gonna call my bluff??

I was a Google image result for “cock rings”.


Next time. I’ll be more explicit.



(NO. He still didn’t get any backdoor action)






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