Lesson Learned: Use Your Words Carefully

I was recently reminded of an ex of mine from a few years back, and of a time when I, lover of words… could have been a little more explicit.

Heh. Explicit.

So this ex, a lover of porn and all the intricate storylines it has to offer (/sarcasm), would occasionally joke about anal.

Me:

girlfriends-maya-oh-hell-no-o

That ended that convo…that time. But as we progressed…he would reference it. Try to gauge my reaction. Which was always some variation of:

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One day I just blurted out, “okay…but under ONE MAJOR CONDITION

He of course got all Frasier Crane on me…

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So I told him the condition.

Marriage.

Boom.

Y’see folks, that would be my ultimate out. Because I don’t ever want to get married. I’ve made this very clear to family, friends, and most importantly…to every man I’ve been involved with.

I had run out of ways to say “it will be a cold day in hell motherfucker…”, and he himself was very resistant to the idea of marriage. I sat back, smothered in smugness, knowing that bringing up the dreaded M word would mute all future anal talk.

beyonce-single-ladies-dance

So I said, “put a ring on it.”

“Whaaaaaa…?”

“If you want it, put a ring on it…”

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A few days later, I got a text. It was a link and text that said, “which ring would you like?”

Oh dear gawd.

With trembling hands. I clicked the link. Was this man actually gonna call my bluff??

I was a Google image result for “cock rings”.

 

Next time. I’ll be more explicit.

#Lessonlearned.

 

(NO. He still didn’t get any backdoor action)

 

 

 

 

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